What I’ve learned about love

They say love isn’t easy. Ha, they got that all wrong. Love is easy. That’s the definition of love; Easy. It’s all that other stuff that is difficult, the stuff that comes when all of those other feelings jump in; anger, fear, shame, guilt, pride, jealousy to name a few.

Many times we treat Love like it’s a transaction. You are not going to give your love just like that. First, certain conditions need to be met. Gotta behave, gotta look the part, buy you the right things, tell you are pretty. It can be so if both parts are happy with it.

Then there’s the ”Treat me like shit and do anything because I love you” kinda loving. That’s not love, that’s submission.

WHAT ATTRACTS LOVE:
The more you love yourself, the more attractive you are, with this I don’t mean like superficial ego-tripper who cares nothing about his or her surroundings. Always take into account your impact on the world, because that’s the only thing you truly can control. Work on your good unique qualities. Share when you feel safe and good about things. Take your time, don’t try too hard.

WHAT REINFORCES LOVE:
Generosity. Push yourself to give more once in a while, whatever that might be; a dinner, your attention, a cookie, useful thoughts, stupid jokes.

WHAT KILLS LOVE:
Compromises that only benefit one of you.
Unwillingness to grow. Pushing your partner to change, so you can avoid dealing with your own issues?
Lying to yourself or to your partner about what you want and need in order to be happy?
The nice girl syndrome. Not having boundaries.

WHAT COMPLICATES LOVE:
Some relationships are messy. Don’t waste your energy trying to change people. Give it up and love them with their flaws – or love them from afar.